maybe im just pmsing
but i’m seriously so down about the status of my life right now. i feel like i just can’t get a grip on things.
between money, fitness, friends, and me-time, how am i supposed to balance it all?
i’m tired of working two jobs. i’m tired of not having time for friends and thhe gym. i feel like i’m splitting myself in 5 different directions, and doing none of them right.
aside from my main gig, which i happen to think I’m doing okay at. I’m just not really socializing with my coworkers. which I think will only work in my benefit. My close relationships with my coworkers has only hurt me in the past, so I’m keeping space. Doing my job well. not getting sucked into the laziness and corner cutting. still putting clients first and not my own prerogative. I’d love for that to turn into a better position. sometimes. like it is nice to leave there and not have to do anymore thinking. but its not paying the bills right now.
second job going okay too. but today i realized that i would be drowning w/o it. sure student loans are a pain. but part of it is credit cards. Between Cali and the Return, I had to put a lot of my life expenses on credit cards. & now I’m back in a hole I worked so hard to get out of.
which brought me to bitterness about HHH. Idk, this week I caught myself missing it. & feeling so downtrodden. Like hiking back and forth over the bridge, paying the toll, extra in gas, and less money. & sure, I know some of my moves werent the best. but im still so mad at renee and gail. and Divine is trying to hook up, and i;m mad at him too. bc he has the job i worked so hard for.
but I know I don’t miss what it is now. I miss how it was before Renee turned into MondoTwat. I can’t even say I miss our friendship, because that all feels like a sham now. Like this dark, dirty person is the real Renee, and it took me so long to cop on.
Idk, the last year I’ve been trying to rebuild my life. I finally have a TV. I am SO thankful (despite the whining) for my new job. Laptop is in the works. Lucky to have two jobs. & a roof over my head, even if it means I never get to see the living room. I’m actually paying all of my bills. I’d like to be able to pay my mom rent though ;/
Slowly, but surely, things ar getting back on track. I am moving forward. Even with the mild step back
What do you want to say to all the people out there who’ve been voting for you all season?
Jesse finally catching a break